kits_hiwatari

This is totak crack.

LJ stalking horror - a report by kits_hiwatari.

a_songfor_xx is stalking kits_hiwatari
a_songfor_xx’s REAL name :	Blackwood Dancer
a_songfor_xx’s REAL DOB :	24th October 1987
Height :169 cm	Weight : 71.4 kg
a_songfor_xx has dreamt about you :	15 times
a_songfor_xx became interested in you :	13th March 2003
a_songfor_xx’s latest dream about you
You are stranded with a_songfor_xx on a deserted island and your stalker is trying to coax you towards sex by hoarding all of the food and refusing to give you any until you give in to their wishes.
This is how a_songfor_xx describes your relationship behind your back
‘Things are going great! it still won’t kiss me though in public. it will once I stop calling her in the middle of the night.’
a_songfor_xx’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
You know the way all of your baby teeth mysteriously disappeared? Well a_songfor_xx has them.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
a_songfor_xx took a bit far when they gouged your name into their arm with a tablespoon.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
I need somebody to love. Over these last couple of months I’ve got to know you but you still do not know who I really am. I’m watching you.

The Police
No. calls to the police :	27 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police!?!? a_songfor_xx’s in my backyard again stealing clothes off of our washing line. This is the 10th time in a week for fucks sake."
a_songfor_xx’s Police File
When a_songfor_xx last spent time inside even the most hardened criminals feared for their lives when they were near her.

Testimonies about a_songfor_xx

ringo_031 - A hardened ex-crook

‘Boring. I know kits_hiwatari and a_songfor_xx really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’

xedosarthea - A daring kleptomaniac

‘Fucking hell! This is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. kits_hiwatari should really be in hospital receiving X-rays to the head.’

zaftgirl - Fathers goats

‘I always thought a_songfor_xx was a good kid. A bit shy but with a kind heart. How wrong was I?’

----

Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from kits_hiwatari.

zaftgirl is stalking kits_hiwatari
zaftgirl’s REAL name :	Cristina Laing
zaftgirl’s REAL DOB :	26th September 1976
Height :169 cm	Weight : 62.8 kg
zaftgirl has dreamt about you :	17 times
zaftgirl became interested in you :	22nd May 2003
zaftgirl’s latest dream about you
zaftgirl dreamt that you had got married to another person. zaftgirl produced a shotgun at the ceremony, blowing off your partners head before they could complete their vows with a close-range shot.
This is how zaftgirl describes your relationship behind your back
‘We’re gonna have children. I haven’t talked to kits_hiwatari about it yet but I’m sure it will be happy to have about 12 kids.’
zaftgirl’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
zaftgirl has a vast collection of kits_hiwatari’s mothers cuttlery lying around their bedroom. For some reason only known to God
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
zaftgirl made the bizarre decision to have one of their eyeball’s removed especially for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Everyday without you is death. I’ve decided it’s best that we end our lives in each others arms. My brother knows a fellow who can buy cynaide pills on the cheap. Let’s do it, for us.

The Police
No. calls to the police :	28 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"My names kits_hiwatari, I’m ringing to report a stalker. Who is it? I don’t know their real name. I met them off an online community called Livejournal. Their username is zaftgirl. They’ve been sending me used condoms through the post. Could you please do something about this quickly? My mother opened the last letter. She nearly died of shock. Thanks"
zaftgirl’s Police File
There is every possibility that zaftgirl is a living incarnation of Satan.

Testimonies about zaftgirl

a_songfor_xx - Spaced out junkie

‘It just goes to show that the world is full of sick, twisted perverts. I’m gonna fucking kill zaftgirl!’

xedosarthea - Pig-hustler

‘You think you know a person and then something like this comes out of the blue. Fuck that, I’m becoming a recluse.’

ringo_031 - Snorts Lucozade tablets

‘zaftgirl was a depressing bore and I’m fucking glad they’ve been outted as a twat. Means I won’t have to deal with them ever again. Hip-hip-horray.’

----

Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from kits_hiwatari.

xedosarthea is stalking kits_hiwatari
xedosarthea’s REAL name :	Gala Critchley
xedosarthea’s REAL DOB :	01st November 1987
Height :160 cm	Weight : 71.7 kg
xedosarthea has dreamt about you :	7 times
xedosarthea became interested in you :	01st February 2003
xedosarthea’s latest dream about you
xedosarthea dreamt that both of you died in each others arms in a rather bizarre rollercoaster accident.
This is how xedosarthea describes your relationship behind your back
‘We’ll be together forever. I know it. I can feel it in my heart. Thing’s have never been better between me and kits_hiwatari!’
xedosarthea’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
xedosarthea has a habit of searching kits_hiwatari’s home for sex toys and ‘borrowing’ any that they find.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
xedosarthea is considering having reconstructive surgery on their earlobes so that they are similar in appearance to your own.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Love contains the same number of characters as fuck. This cannot be a coincidence. Shall we do it at your place or mine?

The Police
No. calls to the police :	21 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hello is that the police? Ah good, it’s just there’s this maniac standing outside my house in the pouring rain waving at me, with flowers in their hand. I think they’ve been following me for the last year Their name? xedosarthea."
xedosarthea’s Police File
xedosarthea poses no real threat to society at large, unless of course your name is kits_hiwatari. In that case, you are royally fucked.

Testimonies about xedosarthea

a_songfor_xx - A withered old hag

‘Surprise Surprise, xedosarthea’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’

zaftgirl - Rotten heathen

‘Thank Christ I never let xedosarthea into my house. God the thought of it all gives me the creeps!’

ringo_031 - Fathers goats

‘I use the word cunt sparingly - it’s more effective that way. I’ve spent all morning texting xedosarthea, with that word playing a key role in most of my messages.’

----

Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from kits_hiwatari.

ringo_031 is stalking kits_hiwatari
ringo_031’s REAL name :	Hurtado Maynor
ringo_031’s REAL DOB :	27th December 1983
Height :169 cm	Weight : 77.1 kg
ringo_031 has dreamt about you :	23 times
ringo_031 became interested in you :	13th September 2002
ringo_031’s latest dream about you
After a brief rendezvous in a unisex spa, the two lovers decide to make kittens behind an unattended reception desk. 5 minutes into the experience David Hasselhoff mysteriously appears at the desk with his hand resting casually on the side of his cheek trying to surpress the grin that by-now has engulfed his face. He steals a glimpse of your genetalia before disappearing as quickly as he came.
This is how ringo_031 describes your relationship behind your back
‘kits_hiwatari is my best friend in the whole world. When it dies I’m thinking of stuffing her and placing her beside my television.’
ringo_031’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
ringo_031 enjoys collecting kits_hiwatari’s dead pets for a living.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
ringo_031 made the bizarre decision to have one of their eyeball’s removed especially for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Love contains the same number of characters as fuck. This cannot be a coincidence. Shall we do it at your place or mine?

The Police
No. calls to the police :	11 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hi, is that the police? This is kits_hiwatari, could you send someone over quick, a mad fucker by the name of ringo_031 is trying to knock my front door down with an axe."
ringo_031’s Police File
ringo_031 has connections with the Church of Satan, The Communists and the IRA. It’s only a matter of time before they are responsible for a major terorrist attack on our country.

Testimonies about ringo_031

a_songfor_xx - Loves staring at dead bodies

‘Boring. I know kits_hiwatari and ringo_031 really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’

zaftgirl - Wide-load

‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. kits_hiwatari’s been telling me about ringo_031’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why it has put up with it for so long.’

xedosarthea - O’Vomit-a-lot

‘Uncool and unhip ringo_031 is just plain shit!’

*dies* This is total crack, I say.

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